A New Jersey Deli Made A Barstool Sports Sandwich Menu & I'm Here To Rank Them

Can I just kick this off with how fucking cool this is? As a lifelong fat having a plethora of sandwiches named after me and my pals to commemorate our fund that has raised over $36 million for small businesses is just about as cool as it gets. I am crying actual happy tears. It is now of course time to rank these sangys all the way from #14 to #1.

14. Chicks in the Office

This may shock you to hear…I've been on a HUGE grilled chicken kick recently. When done right grilled chicken is heavenly, but the key is what goes on the plate with that very chicken. Dave's sandwich for example is an all-time favorite of mine, but to throw grilled chicken in a sandwich portabello mushrooms (not a fungi guy) and zucchini is simply too overwhelmingly healthy for me. 

13. Walk the Walker

The Walk the Walker had my jaw on the floor once I got to the end of it. Of course I love buffalo chicken (who doesn't?), but the munchee cheese and hot cherry peppers really threw me for a loop. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE CHERRY PEPPERS more than I probably will love my firstborn child…I just find the combination of hot cherry peppers with the buffalo a chicken cold cuts to be a tad odd. I reserve hot cherry peppers for the truly Italian meats.

12. Kayce "Football" Smith

Right now it's Lent and during Lent us Catholics don't eat meat on Fridays. So a few weeks ago actually I went to my local Italian deli (S/O Antonio's) with the intention of getting a tasty fried eggplant sandwich. Sadly it was later in the day & it was revealed to me that they only had grilled eggplant left. Both my heart & stomach dropped simultaneously yet I had to power on to satisfy both my hunger and friendship with Jesus. The grilled eggplant just doesn't slap the same as the fried for obvious reasons. Everything else on Kayce's sangy does sound divine though if that's any consolation.

11. Robbie Fox

Sadly the hometown Jersey boy will not be cracking the Top 10 on my watch. It simply wouldn't sit well with me making a sandwich who's sole protein is cold cut turkey a Top 10 sandwich…Just can't morally do it. Not to mention it wouldn't ruin my day if I was told I'll never be seeing a beefsteak tomato again.

10. Big Cat

If there's one thing you could say about this glorious menu provided to us by Buddy's is that it's CREATIVE as all hell. If I was told Emeril fucking Lagasse put that thing together I wouldn't blink in an eye. So while Big Cat's obviously sounds delicious with the classic chicken cutlets & bacon combo, the lack of cheese and no sauce just stops it in its tracks at #10.

9. Scibelli Special

This is the first of 3 very similar sandwiches on the list that's only difference is the proteins. The others are of course better with the grilled chicken & fried cutlets, but simply having the fresh mozzarella & roasted red peppers is good enough to get this to #9 in my book. Fresh Mozz and Roasted Red Peppers are the Jordan & Scotty of Deli toppings. No way around that.

8. Marty Mush

Now this is obviously the classic cold cut 6-foot hero you're getting at your every run-in-the-mill office function or birthday party. It's too good to put it back there with the double digit sandwiches, but nowhere near good enough to be up top with the superstars. Roast Beef, Turkey, Ham, 2 cheeses, and shredded lettuce is just a solid sandwich. The reliability of it earns it #8.

7. The Luggage Guy

I love that the guy from Iowa got one of the most Italian sandwiches on the board. The beautiful thicccness of the Soppresata should work in an unending harmony with the thin, salty prosciutto. Throw in the fresh mozz & fig jam and you are looking at a nice Italian HOME RUN for my buddy Trent. 

6. The Token CEO

Veal! What else do you even have to say about a Veal hero other than that it'll be nothing short of immaculate no matter WHAT you throw on there? And have you ever seen Fontina cheese melted? It looks dazzling. Those first 2 ingredients are so damn good I couldn't care less about the beefsteak tomato & arugula. Powerful sangy for our beloved CEO.

5. KFC Delight

This is obviously one of the other sandwiches previously mentioned that's identical to Smokes' & it's gonna come in at #5 for me. Simple yet elegant. The crispy cutlets with the fresh mozz & fire roasted red peppers is just too good of a combination for me to not crack the Top 5. One of my favorites.

4. El Presidente

Now I know everyone is gonna get angry at me for putting my bosses sandwich higher than KFC's when KFC's has fried chicken over grilled chicken…but frankly (and this may shock you as I am a fat) I PREFER MARINATED GRILLED CHICKEN OVER FRIED CUTLETS WHEN IT COMES TO A ROASTED RED PEPPERS & FRESH MOZZ SANDWICH!!! Obviously If I'm having an American-style meal with say corn & mashed potatoes Fried Chicken cutlets are the preferred protein…but a sandwich from an Italian deli with fresh mozz & roasted peppers? Grilled chicken 100 out of 100 times. A pro tip is also to get this bad boy pressed on the panini press if your deli has the machinery. Immaculate. 

3. Prime Time

It would only make sense that the Head Coach of an undefeated Football team has an ELITE sandwich over here. I'm not one to lose my shit over Swiss cheese, although that combo of top round roast beef, caramelized onions, and horseradish sauce is a MARVELOUS trio. Makes up for any hatred of the Swiss cheese I may have. Goddamn my mouth is genuinely, genuinely, genuinely watering over this one. Roast beef & horseradish sauce done right is lethal.

2. Glenny Balls

I may not be #1 on this list, but I do have the gabagool and that's really all that matters. I take solace in that. I will now defer to the #1 sandwich as to why I chose that over my baby.

1. Alright Frankie

The Alright Frankie is simply just a better version of the Glenny Balls and I'm man enough to admit that. For starters I am an absolute SUCKER for some mortadella which the Glenny Balls lacks along with ham gabagool being slightly better than the hot gabagool. I'm confident I'm gonna get my ass kicked for saying that although it's true. And finally roasted red peppers just blows the balsamic glaze out of the water. Congrats to the Alright Frankie…I'm not jealous at all.

All in all it, would be my tastebuds' distinct honor to enjoy any one of these sandwiches at any time. I just may have to get my ass down to the home of Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino and try my hand at these! And thank you to Buddy's for the menu…very fun to break it all down! The point of it of course is to promote the Barstool Fund, so donate in the link below!